Once in a rare while, you meet someone who checks out all the boxes that makes you wonder if God had spent just a little bit more time on them, says Miss PNG 2015 Grace Agatha Nugi.
"This was my wonder when I first came to know Ruby. Her beauty made you turn to have a second glance, and you’d catch yourself staring admirably. She always looked like she had walked straight out of a magazine, even on a ‘bad hair day’.
“When I think of Ruby’s character, she was a wise lady with maturity beyond her years. Her confidence and intelligence was not loud or boastful, it emanated naturally with how she held her conversations, her poise, and how she holds it all together even under extreme pressure.
“I found this out from her when we spent time together during the Miss Pacific Islands Pageant in 2013 and before my entry to the regional Miss Pacific Islands Pageant in Apia Samoa.”
Nugi reminisces to a moment they had on the challenges ahead of being in the limelight of public eye and the social pressures of being a Miss Papua New Guinea.
The late Laufa told Nugi: “Don’t worry about what anyone will have to say about your reign or the way you handle yourself, everyone will have an opinion, but they don’t know what we go through unless they’ve walked in our shoes.”
Her advice gave Nugi all the courage she needed to conquer a big challenge in her life.
“There are many things Ruby had said that we can quote and write about this remarkable young woman, but I think it was her life that spoke louder. She always summed up her inspiring speeches to young audiences and speaking engagements to “Be the Change you wish to see” and she definitely set a benchmark for the women in her generation,” says Nugi.
“Before the age of 25, she was crowned Miss Papua New Guinea, reigning for two years raking most of the awards, did exceptionally well in the regional pageant in American Samoa, setting the bar for all our queens until 2016 when our Miss PNG and Miss Pacific Islands, Abigail Havora, victoriously brought the crown home for us.
“Ruby was an ambassador for the Leniata Legacy, which led the fight on violence against women, and became a promising young lawyer, while simultaneously owning her own modeling agency (Skylar), recently branching into events organising with equipment hire.
“She raised her younger siblings as the eldest of her family, moved into her own home, bought her own vehicle and maximised the hours in a day.
“She was someone who worked hard to earn her privileges and did so gracefully and with immense humility that her successes rang louder.
“On Monday we celebrated her 25th birthday, two days after her tragic death.
“What I cannot help but ask myself is, who can we blame? The abusive partner who is now held in custody? Or his parents for not raising him to respect women?
“Do we blame ourselves, her circle of friends, her family for not reading the signs and silent calls for help until it was too late? Do we blame the people in the warfront of the battle against gender based and domestic violence for maybe not doing enough or taking the right approach?
“Or is it the fault of our Law and Justice system for not laying tougher penalties for perpetrators who demean women and find it ok to violate our women however physical or psychological it is?
“Or should we blame our whole society and social media for the amount of social pressure that such a fragile and vulnerable beauty would feel the need to hide the scars beneath the beauty in fear of being judged?
“Why Rubyanne Laufa? Why Regina Morove? Why Leniata Kepari? Why us? Who else needs to die before we all pursue and uproot this issue out of our country?
“Our country is now one bright burning candle dimmer, one future leader shorter, one daughter, aunty, friend and sister shorter.
“Her death reminds us of how precious and short life is. How precious and vulnerable our women and daughters are and even when we appear to be strong, there are silent battles raging beneath our calm surfaces.
“Let this be an awareness. If you are suffering silently and feel that there is no help, there is always a way out and there are people and places where you can reach out, if not your close friends or family.
“I take this excerpt from Miss Barbara Thomas’ outreach on Facebook:
Talk to someone: For example an older trusted person such as your teacher, guidance counselor, pastor or mentor. If you don’t have someone to talk to, you can call or visit the following:
Haus Ruth- Safe Home
1-TokKaunseling Hotline: 71508000
Lifeline PNG: 77519657 or 77519655
Meri Safe Line: 72221234
Meri Toksave has a great directory for download at www.meritoksave.org
“And if someone reaches out to you for help, sit down and have time for that someone. It does not have to be women only, but men too who may suffer from some form of abuse or who do not know how to handle situations that trigger violence. Twenty minutes of reassuring and encouraging conversation can save a life. This is our battle. We are all held accountable.
“I close with Ruby’s words to our women:
Dear Women, you have the strength and capability in you to take on the world. Be brave and create your own paths, trust me, it isn’t easy but we can. To all the women in my life who have played an important role in shaping mine, and to all those waiting to explore this world, Take Courage!"
August 20th 2013.
(Late Miss PNG 2012-2013, Rubyanne Laufa, as cultural ambassador for PNG, in American Samoa, where she became third runner up Miss South Pacific, took out the Miss Tourism Award, Best Topic Presentation, Best Sarong Wear and Best Stage Interview)