Husband of breast cancer victim shares their story

“How did mum die?”

That’s the question Arthur dreads being asked by his daughter, Tania.

Almost four months after Tania’s mother passed away, Arthur is still trying to figure out exactly how he can explain this to his daughter.

“I partially blame myself for not fighting hard for her,” he says, reflecting on how his partner died.

They were only dating in 2015 when Francisca first mentioned about a very small painless lump in her left breast.

She had said it hurt only when pressure was exerted directly on the lump.

Aged only 23 years old then, they never suspected that it was the start of breast cancer.

But Arthur still encouraged her to do a breast scan, just to be on the safe side.

“From the cancer awareness, I knew that early detection is better. So I told her at three different times over the year to have the lump checked out at the hospital. But she ignored by advise,” he recalls.

May 7, 2016, Francisca gave birth to Tania – a very successful birth, no complications.

“But we realised that her left breast was twice the size of her right breast. And it was hard as a rock,” says Arthur.

However, Susu Mamas said this was just hardened breast milk and was completely normal with new mothers. All they had to do was massage with warm water.

Unfortunately, this was not the case with Francisca. Soon after Tania’s birth, the condition of her left breast worsened. And the lump (later identified as a tumour) burst.

By then, Arthur was renting a place of their own. And the joy of a new baby vanished soon after, as Francisca’s health deteriorated very quickly.

“It was a constant battle of pain – day in – day out. And was more like having a set of twins and caring for them myself,” he says.

Arthur would finish his 8 – 5 day job, return home to relieve his mother-in-law.

“As soon as I got home, I would wash, have dinner and commence my night shift, which was taking care of my very sick wife and my new born baby girl. With Tania, it was simple – feed, bath and sleep. With her mother - there was no such thing as rest. I had very little sleep,” Arthur says.

“No one would ever want to experience this,” he adds.

Francisca succumbed to breast cancer on February 20, 2017, three months ahead of Arthur throwing Tania her first birthday party.  

Sharing his experience with Loop PNG, he stressed on early detection.

“Our failure was not having an early check-up. I did ask her to, I even offered financial support but when she did not listen, I gave up. I regret not pushing harder for it,” he said.

When they eventually went to the hospital, the cancer was already in its late aggressive stages which saw it spreading.

“I wouldn’t want to see my daughter go through the same. Her mum passed away at age 25 – too young. So my encouragement to her (when she’s of age) and all other females is to check any slight abnormalities.

“And always, proceed to secondary testing or get a second opinion, if you have doubts. Don’t always accept what health officials tell you,” he said.

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Author: 
Gloria Bauai